It was a familiar scene… He in his pajamas and me with my cup of coffee all snuggled up together with our blanket. My littlest one is usually up first each morning, and he wastes no time in coming downstairs to climb on my lap and share a few quiet moments with mommy. This morning was no different, and as we sat together in those quiet moments we repeated our usual refrain from one of our favorite books…
“Do you know how much I love you?”
“How much, Mommy?”
“Way, way more than you know…”
I thought about the truth of those words. I do love my son with a love that he does not yet understand. My love is deeper than he is capable of comprehending at this point in his young life. In fact, at times, my love for him doesn’t really look much like love to his little eyes at all. At times, my love requires me to say no when he would rather hear yes. There are moments when my love may feel more like pain as I seek to teach him right from wrong. And there are even times when my love dictates that I sit back and watch in silence as he struggles to do things on his own until he realizes that he must ask for help.
When I look at my son, I’m not only looking at the here and now, but what will one day be. One day, he will be a man, with a family of his own. The motivation behind my decisions for him now is preparing him for what is to come. Much of what he learns in childhood will serve to ready him for adulthood.
On my couch that morning, snuggled up under our blanket, I was struck by how deep God’s love for us must be. Like my little boy, I cannot begin to understand it. And at times, God’s love for me doesn’t look like love at all. At times it’s hard; at times it’s painful. At times, there is silence as I stubbornly struggle for my independence. And just as my son knows very little of what I am aiming at in his daily instruction, so my eyes cannot yet see what my Lord is preparing for me.
By His grace, I must trust Him…even when I don’t see, even when I don’t understand. Just as my son trusts me, because of who I am to him—his Mommy I must trust God because of Who He is—my Creator, Savior, Redeemer, and Friend.
“For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and chastises every son whom He receives."
"For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasurable, but later it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”